Sucker

So I am still no clearer on things today. I guess I'd just like to understand why. Why now and why me. But you can't just ask someone that. Because they'll immediately assume you're telling them to piss off. Which is not what I want to do. I just want to understand.

Is that too much to ask?

ANYWAY enough of that now. I need to think about something else. It would be nice to be able to get some sleep tonight.

I can't even begin to talk about all of the stuff that's happened today, which in hindsight, isn't actually that much, but it still feels like a lot. My brain feels like it has turned to mush. I just need a day off. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like college and all, but I do need a day off. And Jason's lessons are completely pointless because he doesn't actually teach us anything ever. He just gives us lectures on motivation and then sends us off to film without telling us what to film, why we're filming it, or the proper technique for it. At least Andy is actually teaching us stuff that is useful to our project. I feel like he knows Jason is not helping us so he's doing what Jason should be doing and letting Jason do whatever the fuck he wants because he's leaving soon, so it's like we can just ignore all the stuff he's asking us to do. And because of this reason I don't see the point in spending so much money to get to college for a completely pointless lesson. I hope he leaves soon. And Faye's lesson is pretty much just working independently. So basically this is just a justification for why I am giving myself a day off tomorrow.

So apparently I'm a sucker for punishment. WHAT AM I DOING? I SHOULD JUST GO TO BED AND STAY THERE FOREVER.