I don't know

So I went back to college yesterday, and it felt kind of pointless to be honest. Today was better in terms of actually feeling like maybe i've learnt something. But I've been feeling kind of weary and not really in a very talky mood. Or even a very listeny mood to be honest.

I hate this time of year, it's just so tiring and depressing and just plain cold. And this time last year was pretty bad for me and I'm kind of scared that all the progress I've been making is just slipping away. I'm withdrawing back into myself and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

It just sucks. It doesn't help that this is already the longest week ever and I know I have four more days of it before I can relax, because I start my job on Friday, so Sunday is my only day off, which I can see being really depressing. But I really need a job so I can afford to chase my dreams, which is seeming more unreachable than ever.

I guess I'm just feeling kind of down at the moment and am clinging to my smile for dear life.

Colds

So today I got a full blown cold. There was no build up, it just slapped me in the face this morning when I began sneezing uncontrollably. It has steadily worsened over the day, and I'm now in my bed feeling sorry for myself.

I took some cold and flu tablets and I feel marginally better in that I no longer have a tap in the middle of my face. Now my nose is simply the most attractive shade of red, and is extremely sore, so that's nice.

But Alex Goot is making me feel better because his songs are just amazeballs.

Not much has been happening in my life to blog about. I had a beautiful day of sleep yesterday as Josh went out for the day with one of his friends. And today simply feels like Sunday, I'm still not convinced it's Saturday but I'll take the extra day off. Hopefully I will have recovered somewhat before college on Monday.

I'm still not used to the popularity thing, now when I post things on facebook I actually get likes, it's very strange. I am used to being a nobody in all aspects of my life. It's going to take me a while to figure it out I think.

Also, that day long daydream has turned into a multi-day daydream which is nice. SPEAKING OF DREAMS, I had a super weird one last night, and it had people I've not seen in years in it. It ended with a bunch of old friends turning up at my house with Darren Criss in tow, and I was like lolwtf, then I woke up and was just like DANG IT WAS JUST GETTING INTERESTING. My mind is a very strange place. I'm going to stop talking now.

Bye.

Arguing

Today I spent a lot of time yelling at my brother. But the inbetween parts were actually quite nice.

I didn't actually do much today, most of the day was most definitely spent on daydreaming. I love a good daydream. It just puts me in the best mood, despite knowing the events will never happen. I'm a big fan of the all day daydream, cause you can make them super detailed and awesome.

If that made me sound weird, I don't care, it's awesome.

Alex Goot

So today I am having a day that is the complete polar opposite of yesterday, when I spent the entire day running around like a blue-arsed fly. Today I have done nothing but watch Alex Goot videos.

It's been the best day ever.

He's so talented. I could listen to him sing all day. And thus far have been doing exactly that.

I wish he would tour over here so I could go see him perform, because that would be great.

My dad is pissed at me. I realise I have done nothing helpful today. But the point of Josh having his mates over was that it was dad's idea, and he had to deal with them. And I know I should have offered help with something, but it's like I get no recognition for the things I do. For example, yesterday, I cleaned the entire house ready for Josh's sleepover, dad came home early and did he help? Nope. Did he thank me? That'd be a big fat nope too. So yeah, my bad for having a day off during half term. Sorry.

I've been talking about how I bottle up my feelings to Alex today. And I realised something. I don't just bottle up the normal emotions like anger, hostility etc. But I actually bottle up pretty much every emotion. I think I do this because if I didn't, and just went around being myself. People would be unbearable to be around. Which sounds absolutely ridiculous, because I'm not like a hermit or anything, I just haven't come across a lot of people who don't get on my nerves/could take my crazy. I dunno, maybe I'm just destined to be alone.

This got really depressing over the course of the 3 or so hours that I've been writing it.

Just know that it was really nice to have a day off, while it lasted. And that I love Alex Goot.

Bad

I'm really bad at this blogging thing, I keep getting distracted and forgetting to blog. Not to mention all the blogging I've been doing on my phone because I'm too lazy to load up a computer.

My current excuse is that it's half term so I have nothing to talk about. While that was true yesterday, it's not true today. Today I wish to strangle my brother, don't get me wrong, I love him to bits, but he's so freaking spoilt, like full on brat, he doesn't seem to think it's fair that we cannot afford to get him everything in the universe. He also seems to think that me looking after him means I am his personal slave, and not a favour to his parents who have to go to work.

Just because his mother is overprotective and thus continues to pick up after him and such, despite his age, so he never learned to look after himself! Which is super annoying, and I try to teach him to pick shit up but then his mum comes home and he's back to leaving everything everywhere. Seriously pisses me off.

Weekends

The weekend is, clichéd as it is, my favourite time of the week. It's the only time I can get away with doing absolutely nothing, and it truly is a religous experience of sorts.

So that is what I've done today, a giant fuck all. And it's been beautiful.

Day off

I know what I said about blogging everyday but yesterday I had a day off from everything. I seriously needed it cause I was just exhausted.

I really enjoyed my day off - in bed till noon, then reading all day. I literally read 4 books yesterday, it was freaking great.

The only problem yesterday was trying to get to sleep again, must've been 2 when I finally got to sleep, which doesn't sound late compared to what I used to do, but in my old age of 21, it's very rare for me to stay up past midnight.

In other news, Alex totally has a crush on me and it's super icky, I mean, don't get me wrong, he's great, makes me laugh, fun to talk to but just NO. He's 16 and even if he were my age, just no. And I don't know what to say when he starts flirting with me, cause like, I've been on that side of it, I've had crushes on friends and all that. But being on this side of it makes me feel bad for all of those friends. How can he not understand how creepy it is! and that I just want to be his friend! Is that so much to ask?

Ohwell on to today! Today I had a job interview at Tesco, and it was really weird cause they basically just made me do an hours work, but it was quite fun! And now I have a job on the cigarette counter, and the other people are really nice so I'm happy about that, and about finally having a job. I have an induction day on the 2nd November and then I'm in, every Friday and Saturday so thats good, I need moneys in the bank lol, and hopefully now I'll stop being moaned at for not having a job cause I've got one! and I still get Sundays off which is nice, and it's half term so I'm super happy right now :D.

Add in the fact that it's Friday and we're on to a winner.

Wednesday

Today it is wednesday and I am completely exhausted. So glad it's half term next week, even if I have to babysit Josh, I need some sleep!

I'm literally way too tired to talk about my day so I'm gonna leave this here. Just wanted to update because I have done every day so far.

College

Today they're doing progress reviews at college, where they assess you and decide if you should stay on the course or not, and it's somewhat ridiculous. They implied that crap people would be kicked off, yet they've kept everyone, what is up with that?

They also told me our short film was crap, but it was really good! So I'm a bit annoyed about it, I mean we were the only group with an idea that was different. Ohwell whatever, I'm staying on the course.

I'm currently sat on the floor outside the classroom waiting for Emily to have her progress review so I can go home, and we're being stalked by Laurence which I don't particularly like because he's just super creepy.

Before my progress review I was in a good mood, Alex walked face first into a door and I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. We also got shouted at by a bunch of "hard" ten year olds which was just hilarious, they were all like "I'm gonna bang ya, I'll hit you with my scooter cause I'm so fucking hard" hilarious.

Also it's dancing Tuesday, just throwing that one out there, it is a day for dancing lots and in public, and this is not just me, I've seen people randomly dancing in the street lots.

I don't know what else to say, except that I can't wait till I get home cause I want to go to bed. Yes.

Pointlessness

Today has been a quite pointless day really. Went to college for one lesson, travelling an hour to get there only to find a note on the classroom door telling us to go home. So that was fun.

It just seems like when I asked if we had to come in for regular classes this week, Andy could have mentioned the disruption to his and Michelle's classes so I wouldn't have bothered going in at all, saving me both time and money.

Instead I spent the afternoon dyeing Emily's hair and wrestling with the dog, because that's how exciting my life is :P. It was funny though, she totally looked like her scalp was bleeding.

In other news, it's been over a month now and I'm still not used to having friends. It's like, there are these people that like me and want attention and stuff. What is up with that?! :P, I used to only have one friend at a time, much easier to keep track.

To conclude this blog, I would like to reiterate the fact that today college was pointless.

Reflections

So today I spent most of my day in my room. Well the parts when I wasn't moving wardrobes, helping my brother with his homework, cleaning up dog sick, putting the dishes in the dishwasher etc.

I realise this is not what I usually write like but sometimes I like to talk about the places my mind goes.

So anyway, I spent a lot of time alone, and usually when this happens I think about quite a lot of stuff.

Today my thoughts went down the path of crazy and how different people react to it, and stuff like that. And it just made me think of how few people in life you show the crazy to. I mean, it's quite embarrassing when your crazy shows to someone new.

I don't know what exactly it is I'm trying to say with this. I guess I just think it's interesting who you choose to show your crazy to, and who you choose to hide it from.

Today

Don't get excited or anything, today is Sunday and I have plans to do absolutely nothing all day. Well, that's not strictly true. I do have plans to put petrol in my car since it's currently running on vapours and has been since Thursday.

Yesterday was a strange day for me. I went slightly mental somewhere in the middle, I will admit to that, but that's what happens when you try and get me to do work. I really don't like doing work when I know I have ages to do it. There's just no motivation for me, so I begin to procrastinate, and for that I need enablers.

The day also ended on a strange note, I think at one point I was having a heart to heart with Alex. This was completely unprovoked, he just began telling me things I really didn't need to know.

I just took a break from writing this and looked at a bunch of insane halloween costumes. I want my eyes back please.

THIS ONE IS MY FAVOURITE.

LOOK AT THE PAIN IN HIS EYES.

Consuela

This is Consuela.

Cheeseburgers

The title of this post is Cheeseburgers purely because I wanted to call it Cheeseburgers, not because I have anything to say about them.

I am meant to be writing a report on research and presentation skills but it's very boring so what I am really doing is going on tumblr and looking at pictures of sexy men. My friend Emily is here too. She is not currently aware that this is what I am doing. Shh.

In other news, my other friend Megan texted me to tell me that she got a paper cut on her crotch. Which is a very creepy thing to tell your friend, in my opinion.

I am literally just telling you random facts about my day because Alex is ignoring me, and how the hell am I meant to procrastinate with no one to talk to? I have to at least LOOK like I'm doing work with lots of typing and whatnot. Gah some people are so unhelpful in my plight to leave all work until the last minute. It's like they don't understand that doing work is boring.

Emily just showed me a picture of her friend's pet who is very creepy looking, it looks like a cartoon, not something you would keep in a fish tank. Very strange. It's name is apparently Consuela, which took me an inordinate amount of time to spell correctly. People should name their pets names that other people can spell so they can blog about them. How inconsiderate XD. Although, quick update, my initial spelling was correct, so go me!

Emily has said Consuela so many times it no longer has any meaning.

Anyway. Yes. I have no more to say as we are still stuck on the subject of Consuela. So for now, I wish you a good day!

Procrastination

I literally started this blog purely because I ran out of ways to procrastinate from my college work.

Now I need another way to procrastinate from blogging.

Laters.