Recovery

Today is the first time in a long time that I've looked at myself and felt happy. Which sounds stupid but I feel like today is the day that marks the end of my depression. Well, if not the end then at least the point in which it stopped ruling over my life. Arguably since I stopped taking my antidepressants about six months ago that was it, but to me it's today.

It's today because today I feel content. I made it through the Christmas period, when the days got short and it got cold (it's still cold but it matters less when you have more daylight. I don't know why it just does.) and that has always been the hardest time of year for me. The reason today is different from yesterday is a simple one I suppose. Today is the day that I started decorating my bedroom. This may not seem like a big deal, but I could never bring myself to do it before, and to me this is a huge sign that I have changed. And when I think about it, I have changed. I grew up. I don't know when it happened but it did, and events of this past weekend have proved that to me.

While in the same situation many years ago, I reacted very differently, and it took a lot longer for me to get over. As it is today, I am over it. I really am. It's no longer a big deal to me and I've got to tell you, it feels good that it's not a big deal. It feels good that I can be perfectly content with who I am for the first time in my life. That is the greatest feeling. I feel completely free.

So I started to decorate my room, I'm making myself at home in a room that has felt like a guest room since I moved into it over a year ago. And I'm making progress and that makes me happy.